can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
