I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
