Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
