I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
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