I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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