I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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