If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
