i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
