I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You are a genius and a whore.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
