Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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