I cannot find my penis.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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