Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
