Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
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