if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
don't judge my taste in strippers
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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