It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You made out with two different species that night
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
