I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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