I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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