yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
