I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
