my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
