I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Randomize
