Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
