i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
