the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
