We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
