Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
