using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
