Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Randomize
