No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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