is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
