I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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