I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
