Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
