I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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