I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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