What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
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Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
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I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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