Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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