It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I CAN MOONWALK!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize