Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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