apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
