We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
