fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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