i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
