yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
