He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
only if we run a train.
done.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
