why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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