i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
