whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
