i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize