You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
