Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
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i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
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Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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