its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He better not be in your backpack
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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