One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
