i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Loading more great texts...