Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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