Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
