Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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