I think im going to throw up on grandma
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
