Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
