We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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