She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
