Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
