using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
