Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
