he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
