Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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