i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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