You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
