Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I touched a dick in church today
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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