i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
