Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
