I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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