God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
