I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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