so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
