I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
