What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
