i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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