if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
