I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You have to summon your inner elephant
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Randomize
