but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
