you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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