Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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