Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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