she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
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He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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