i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
