Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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