you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
