Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
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