think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
