you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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