Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
