they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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